Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
