we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
