my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
