Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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