This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Its about making memories worth repressing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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