do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
