You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
