Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
