just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
