I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
