I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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