Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize