Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
