so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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