he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
