Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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