We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
