dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
