He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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