Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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