Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
