the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
