Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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