For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize