I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
