i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
