I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
