My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
