So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
