It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
