I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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