I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
