The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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