I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize