So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
