so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
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.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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