Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
