I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
