ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
