Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
