We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize