your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
