Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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