Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
