The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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