i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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