Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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