I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
