im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
