omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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