Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
