I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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