Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
