dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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