Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
