I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
