Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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