Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
