I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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