you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
