This girl is more easily done than said...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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